Insomnia

For some reason I could not sleep last night. It could be for a number of reasons. I am in rehab, and my bed and room are unfamiliar to me. Or maybe it is because I have not drank in 7 days and drinking puts me to sleep. Perhaps its the fact that I am starting to realize that I have lost a few close friends because of my drinking. Maybe it was me missing Alaina and having her presence near me at night. BUT for whatever reason it was I could not sleep.

So hear I am in a treatment center for me . . .(cough, cough) . . . Ok I will say it, my alcoholism. recently I have been trying to figure out what got me to this point in my life. I know it wasn't my first drink at age 17. I also know that it wasn't the occasional social drink I had when I was with my daughters father. So how did I go from drinking once in a blue moon to daily. From having one to two drinks in a sitting to 10+ drinks in a night.

In the last three months I have lost my job, been suspended from school, lost close friends, totaled my car, been to jail (luckily only 3 days), and maxed out all my credit cards, which means I will lose my apartment too. The only thing I have left is my little girl, and I am going to fight this problem to the end so I can keep her. She means the world to me, but I don't think others around me realize that. She knows it, I tell her every day. Not only do I tell her I love her, but I show her by singing songs, reading her books, playing silly hide and seek games, and having conversations (even if they argumentative) with her.

I don't know what the point of this post was. I guess I just wanted to write considering my lack of sleep. There it is folks, and update on my crazy life that has somehow spiralled out of control.