Since I have been out of inpatient (Dec 30th), I have been really good at controlling my cravings to drink. When I have a craving I simply call a close friend or find something to do to distract myself. Tonight I am going to blog about it.
I am definitely craving a drink right now. Not because I want to taste the harsh tequila running down my throat, nor because I want to cure an insane headache, or insomnia (well maybe the insomnia) . . . but mainly because I am an alcoholic and I am obsessed with the feeling of being intoxicated.
I love the way my body slowly loosens up after a few shots hit my blood stream. I love the numbness that sets into my brain once I wash down a few glasses of tequila with a little bit of sunrise in them. I love the senselessness that comes with being drunk, the numbness that comes with it. The loss of sensation, the loss of feelings, forgetting my past, my problems and my worry's.
I have a problem, I know this. This is why I chose not to drink. I don't have just one or two drinks today because I have something to do six months from now, and those one or two drinks today would lead to 5 or 6 tomorrow and a bottle next week, and a bottle everyday here after that.
AA has truly helped me with my addiction, as has my sponsor and my friends and family.
Tonight instead of drinking like my body aches to and my mind is screaming at me to do I am going to listen to some music and go to bed, because 6 hours from now I have to be up and getting ready for outpatient :)
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